My response is always: “I hear what you’re saying, and I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
I want to take a quick moment to address a stunning and troubling mindset I have unfortunately witnessed a lot lately…
“He’s so much better than I deserve.”
I hear this mentality, usually coming from my friends in their early twenties. Particularly about boys they’ve only just started to ‘date’. It troubles me greatly. Sometimes I wonder what they think they deserve. Sometimes I want to take them by the shoulders and shake them awake. Sometimes I want to punch the boys in the face.
Mostly I want to punch the boys.
Girls, let’s have a heart to heart:
1. You are MAJESTIC! Majestic, I tell you. Never believe less.
2. You deserve the absolute best. There is no such thing as ‘better than you deserve’, there is only ‘worse than you deserve’—and these boys do not deserve the time of day from you.
3. If there is a boy, or girl, who makes you feel like you are somehow unworthy of them: delete them from your life. Delete them from your phone, your facebook, your circle of friends, your life.
Let me be perfectly clear: I am not talking about the people who inspire you to be a ‘better person’, whatever that may mean to you, I am talking about the person who makes you question your self-worth or what you deserve. Relationships are meant to be nurturing. If they do not nurture you, help you grow, or make you feel good, it is okay to discard them.
“We can fix it.”/ “We can work it out.”
Sometimes it’s really hard to let go of these relationships. Sometimes the reason is comfort with what you know. Sometimes the reason is the fear of suddenly being alone. Sometimes the reason is the belief that you can somehow fix the situation.
This is another really dangerous mindset. I watch girls go on crazy diets, undergo night-and-day makeovers, and others completely lose themselves trying to please this guy in the hopes that he’ll think better of her, or stop belittling her, or stop comparing her to his ex. At a certain point, you do absolutely need to take a step back and understand that ‘fixing the relationship’ can sometimes really mean ‘fixing him’, which you do not have the power to do.
What you do have power over is yourself, and the way you allow yourself to be treated. Eleanor Roosevelt once said: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” By staying in a relationship where someone knowingly and constantly causes you to feel inferior, you are giving them consent, and you are disrespecting yourself.
You owe it to yourself to create and cultivate your own happiness. You owe it to yourself to demand respect from the people in your life. You owe it to yourself to refuse to let other people drag you down—regardless of how ‘perfect’ you perceive them to be.